Well, I have gained about 10 pounds and am so disgusted with myself, I think I am just going to stop when I get to Georgia and eat grits and bacon grease and gravy and drink that nasty lite beer and move in with some 450-pound Jethro who farts and belches and watches wrestling on TV in his underwear while I lay around with greasy hair, drinking Colt 45 malt liquor, wearing a dirty muumuu, bathing once a month and never brushing my teeth again and Lucy and Sophie become skinny snarling hounds, fighting over the fatty scraps I and my disgusting redneck lover throw out the door of our filthy shack and all this because I gained about 10 pounds. yuck

Gosh, the things you think of when your jeans are too tight. 

Well, plus I am in North Carolina tonight. And, I don't want to say how I am prejudiced against the south and southerners and the stupidity and the ignorance and the accents... 
So, I won't.